Dumping on humping
He lowered himself to his knees in front of me, facing away, and planted his palms flat to the floor. His poise was that of a randy canine prepped for indiscriminate humping. Breathing heavily, he began tilting his pelvis---up-down-up, down-up-down---his buttocks at eye-level from where I sat.
Only a few feet away, I could see that sweat had soaked through patches of his tight, black knit shorts, making dark and intimate stains as he pumped the air with a smooth, slow rhythm. From the edge of my mat, I was close enough to reach out and touch those sweaty buttocks, but that was the last thing in the world I wanted to do.
I wondered if he knew what he looked like, moving like that. I wondered what he thought about while he did, and whether he'd considered my view when he placed his yoga mat next to mine. I have seen scores of men doing this move at the gym, never any women. I noted that women seem more conscious of what they do with their bodies in public. Mostly, though, I was just disgusted.
This horror, while surely meant to stretch the lower back, has somehow slipped through censorship channels at my family-oriented gym. Had I wanted to think about sex while working out, I'd have kept my membership at my previous gym, known for its clientele of career strippers and horny first-year university students. Sure, it was interesting watching breasts not bounce on the treadmill, but that's not what I'm looking for in a workout. I prefer a gym I can go to sleep-worn, relaxed and make-up-less, and still fit in; somewhere where humping is not top-of-mind.
It was, perhaps, inevitable that sweaty men would find another outlet for grunting and ghost-grinding---somewhere outside of the bedroom, and off the dance floor---but, do they really need to do it at my gym? Alright, so maybe I'm making far too great a deal of the public pelvic thrust. Maybe I should just get over it and acknowlege the move as a healthy, normal part of a common workout routine. But, I can't. And, you can't tell me I'm the only one who's not mature enough to handle it.