Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Better than fuzzity, way better

So what if she wears ass-pancaking beige capris with white socks and puts her make-up on in the dark? I like her. This woman was ahead of me in line at Videotron, renting Sandra Bullock's entire filmography (which I'm willing to overlook in this context only), when she took a few selfless moments to make my day.

Lately, I've been feeling invisible, as though I exist only to field non-stop, unvarying questions about what is apparently, by neighbourhood consensus, "the-cutest-puppy-in-the-world". I've been fostering her thanks to a local assistance-canine training program.

People are drawn to her like crazed, moronic zombies. They stumble toward us, their arms extended forward and hands grabbing at air, babbling unintelligibly. All I can make out are words like "toutou-ou-ou" and "fuzzity-wuzzity" and "puppy-wuppy". It's so disturbing, I started taking less-populated side streets.

My puppy's been stalked and fondled by many a Montrealer this past month (including members of most Montreal bands you know), mentioned in "Missed Connections" on Craigslist, even serenaded by the schizophrenic busker outside our neighbourhood budget grocery store. More than anything, people wanted to know her name, but never mine. Twice, I was asked for her phone number, for dog dates. Truer than ever before (and I have significant experience with the phenomenon), I'm the pretty girl's best friend. She gets all the attention, even though she's a bitch.

So, when the woman in the unflattering pants at the video store overlooked my puppy and asked me if my "gorgeous hair" was natural, or, to please tell her where I'd gotten it done, I was willing to overlook her poor taste in clothes and movies, take her compliment and run.

"So there," I said to my puppy on the walk home, with a sneer. "My hair is way better than fuzzity-wuzzity."

2 comments:

I'm Kate... said...

Hysterical!!! Your pup has become quite the local celeb! When Joe and I were "dating" (er....well....nevermind, long story!) we got dogs. I got a cute little (not little anymore) yorkie named Rudy, and he got a cute (puppy) Bassett Hound named Happy. We still have them to this day, BUT.... Rudy is the "cool dog" with the funky hair cut and the James Dean attitude, and Happy is the big clumsy slobbery hound who is 20 lbs overweight and needy. Whenever we went for walks, or hit the vet for shots or boarding, I always thought Rudy would get all the attention, but NOOOOO..... Happy and his slobbery self would get all the compliments and attention. "oh look at the beautiful bassett!! He's big and beautiful! he could be a show dog!!" And Rudy would slink off to a corner thinking his shit DID stink, although, unbeknownst to onlookers, Happy's was the one that stunk the worst.

I never get attention when Happy's with me, and I definitely don't get attention when Rudy's with me. You got lucky today! BUT, I suppose if you looked like your dog (as some owners do!!!) people would think you are both weird and avoid you two altogether. haha!

Ass-pancaking capri's.... that's great!!!!

Kate Savage said...

Yes! The dogs get all the attention. All of it. Just today, I went to the park with a friend who has a dog, and it turned into a massive dog party.

There was a dog per person, and I kinda felt naked without my puppy. She returned to the foundation this week. :(

This time, though, I know she is somewhere GREAT.